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砾石部落换季了

2009年11月25日

在一番调整之后,这是此部落格第101篇。我关闭了砾石部落(二)12天,很开心有朋友会关心为什么无法游览此页,哈!我重新包装了这部落格,发觉这里充满更多感性的我了。一贯的喜好,还是蓝色主题,可以想象到嘉敏看到之后的反应:“呵!又是蓝色!”哈哈哈!习惯就好嘛,她们都知道presentation slide一旦交给我edit,必蓝无疑!哦!得谢过叶子介绍的PYZAM Blogger Templates, 不错,单是蓝色的选择就已经多到我要用10天才能决定好要采用哪一个,哈哈哈!是很夸张但绝不是唬烂的哦!嘻,因为家里网速太慢,才会拖到10天啦......但PYZAM的选择确实很多。

得承认的是,最近的情绪有点不稳定,就在得知一个朋友患病之后......蓝色调的情绪不断涌现,已经被整齐叠好的回忆不断被翻阅,翻得乱七八糟的,现在的我也不懂得该怎么整理。又或者是我不打算整理呢?眷恋这种感觉?真糟糕!再这样下去,我会不会患忧郁症?!诗琳问:“最近怎么好像看到很多会勾起中学回忆的东西呢~?”我说:“因为我们都开始老了。。。哈哈哈!”依然是一贯的作风,一笑盖千愁。但没错,我们都开始老了......回不去的过去......我有遗憾......就在一番钻牛角尖之后,我发现,我有遗憾......也许,我应该继续当鸵鸟,不该去触碰那伤痛......

今天用了4个小时把藤井树的《寂寞之歌》看完了,算是打破了我看书的记录吧!其实,每次阅完藤井树的书之后,我都会合荷尔蒙失调,今天也不例外,感触更深呢,最近的我太容易陷入蓝色深渊里了。他叙述的“来自朋友的寂寞”,我感受到了,也正是我遗憾的过去;“来自爱人的寂寞”我也感受过了,还好,我感觉不到自己有想回去的欲望;“来自家人的寂寞”,没有,一点印象都没有,无可否认,我有个幸福的家庭。

说回新一季的砾石部落(二)吧!紫蓝色的星空,漂亮吗?是的,我爱星空,爱上凉风习习的夜伴我望利落星空的感觉。理大的朋友,有多少个试过站在DUP前的停车场望星空呢?我试过,还不止一次,一个人......有多少个试过站在自己的宿舍走廊望星空呢?我试过,几乎每夜,一个人...... 有多少个试过在夜幕笼罩的理大散步呢?我试过,很常,就在近期考期末考的时候,是的,依然是一个人......寂寞吗?嗯,偶尔会......

星儿(欣儿)很努力的发着光,要让人们看见,绝不会因为夜的黑,甘愿被笼罩。嘻嘻嘻!“天空如此浩大,却美得如此简单;人类如此渺小,何必自寻烦恼。”这是我爱上星空的第一夜写的,有多少人记得这句话呢?

会采用这背景还有另一个原因哦!我说,你一定看不到,在这沙漠里躺了一颗砾石,和千千万万的沙石一起陶醉在星空里呢!砾石知道自己从来都不会是孤单的,只是偶尔会想不开......哪一天,愿意混进石堆里的你,要带我去看星空呢?

客观

不被认同不代表不对
讲不赢也不代表错了
做得好的才是大赢家
自信和坚持该回来了

每个人都有自己的生活方式
不该一味地抹杀他人的想法
多角度的探讨不应只是探讨
同理心不是明白感受般简单
了解混合了感受就不再单纯

认为自己有客观的想法?
那你的想法肯定是刻板的
客观从来不会给任何想法扣分
不管简单或复杂
你的回答在客观范围里永远是100分

包容就像排污系统
可以多方面地接纳才是智者
如果结局是一样的
何必太在乎什么想法...
什么态度...
什么方式?

是时候跳出框框了...
做得好的才是大赢家
想法和肉体都该离开自己了
要像水一般可以容入任何容器


[献给自己和与自己过着不同生活的朋友^^。]

坏情绪

2009年10月19日

将近两个星期没update了...
生活节奏已经慢慢舒缓了
但也许我并不适合酱的生活
虽然我常常会要求多一些私人空间
但真的可以空出来时
才发现我不应该沉溺于酱的空间里

今早很意外地没有被闹钟叫醒
很难得的睡上了八个小时
我是那个常会逼自己早起床的人
没有了闹钟,没有了IK的床,
我依然是个会赖床八九个小时的人。
睡多了,却意外没有带来好心情

为什么常常会如此郁闷起来?
我不能让自己太安静
沉寂的脑袋会无法控制地胡思乱想
双子座是个够力的双面人
心情起落转变会很快
心底深处常常会有两把声音在对话
这种对话程序可以进行很久
这种对话方式往往只会让自己更消沉下去
这是一种精神耗损
到后来累了,只渴望睡个觉醒来就可以换个心情

一张笑脸的背后可以隐藏很多情绪
欢笑?苦笑?奸笑?
做人一定要酱吗?
很可悲,是的,很多时候你是需要带着酱的面具做人
轻易地把情绪表露出来会被评为低EQ
会被认为处事不成熟
面对着大众还是得忍下来了,强颜欢笑着
久了,一旦情绪不好,也没多少人懂得
懂得的也没有安慰,好像不得不习惯了

这段日子,我的情绪绕着同一个点起起落落很久了
一个可以轻易让我昂奋的点
也是一个可以轻易让我沮丧的点
有时候会反问自己:“真的需要酱吗?是否该走出来了?”
如果说不想要伤心就放弃好了
那么我可以轻易得到的开心就酱离我而去了
“付出才是最大的收获”
这一句静思语因缘落在我手上
觉得对了,做就是了!
别管会不会有回报了,
间种的情绪失常再见步行步地处理
最重要的还是别留遗憾
同样的遗憾,别再让它出现第二次
做就对了^^

傻吧?干嘛要那么坚持!
你真的会到后来什么都得不到
处理不好还可能毁了先前建立好的
这真的是你想要的吗?
你是否发现自己已慢慢地背弃原有的生活?
值不值得你懂得衡量吗?
你还期望说几句话哄哄自己就可以重振起来?
别逞强了......

我知道自己很不想放弃,
至少在没有结论之前不会死心
累了 照惯例努力清醒着
是的, 林欣儿爱逞强
常常会期望有个可以安心倚靠的肩膀
先前用惯的最近都好忙哦!
好久没见面好好聊了
在看着我的部落格吗?
知道你最近也蛮压力的
祝你一切顺利吧^^

唉...还是那句吧!
我知道我会很快好起来的,加茶!

注:想到什么就写什么,所以这会是很矛盾、很没次序的一篇。

Moon Cake Festival Celebration

I had my first Moon cake Festival celebration with XXT friends on 29th of Sept, Monday. Since I had class on that night, I went late for the celebration but I had exempted from paid RM20, thanks for Jeannie to ask Yukina to claim the money from Prof Teng if she want. Hehehe!

We had theme for the celebration which called 月光野餐. This was not a simply eat and chat gathering, games and performances were prepared. I had my first try on 相声with Jeannie. I felt myself like to try on various type of performance recently, hehehe, but I know myself not really born for performance stage. I prepared a drama script and hand language for 回乡too! Both were also my virgin works, but they were declared loosed the chance to present not long after I completed. Haiz! OK! Never mind, I accepted but still felt little disappointment for the cancelation of 回乡. The 相声was actually another performance for 回乡,Jeannie and I made a pre-presentation on it when月光野餐. I didn’t feel nervous any more when performing on the spot, but I know I didn’t do well for it as my Chinese speaking not professional and a bit pretentious. Thanks for all of your comments; I will do better if I still have another chance. Hehehe. Besides this, thanks for our Magician Seng Chiew, altered version of 嫦娥奔月performed by 教育组 and jokes given by 升学组.
After games and performances, we light on our lanterns and had a walk in the dark of USM. I taught we will go further up to the hill for night view on Penang Bridge, but we ended up made a round around the roundabout. It was funny because a row of 17 peoples made a turn on the roundabout while other transports were moving. Actually, I did go for the night view in front of HEP before attend 8pm class. Let’s see the beautiful photos……^.^
the rosy clouds just before sunset...
the opposite side of view...... so romantic ya....
That's the shorter Twins Tour in Penang. XD


I had another Moon Cake Festival celebration on 2nd of Oct, Friday night. It was an event with course mates. Khai Qi brought us to QB for vegetarian Rou Gu Cha. I think a lot of you never tried before, it was really delicious especially the wine soup. I like it ^o^. After back from QB, Kar Min and I went to Tesco Extra search for foods and drinks for the celebration. Quite a lot of things we bought, hehehe, because we afraid the junk foods, sandwich and moon cakes might not sufficient to fill everyone stomach! Luckily, she suggested cooking noodles, even though it was just 5 packs of Mee Sedap ;P
Finally, these were the foods we prepared for that night. It seem like not a lot, but 11 of us still not manage to finish all.
We were planning to celebrate Clarian birthday too, which was on 3rd of Oct. We reached Saujana gym park at about 8.30pm but don't know why Tang required Clarian to come an hour later... pity Clarian....
While waiting Clarian, a group of Malays who were also having 'picnic' at another side of the park, sang birthday song!! Wow! Another birthday celebration there... Jane generously gave out her favourite green lantern to the birthday girls even we don't know each other. Hahaha...then...
we took a chance to have a group photo with them too. How sweat it was.... since we really don't know any of them. GOOD!! That's called ONE MALAYSIA....XD kekeke
After that was Clarian's turn. Since it was a windy night, we worked hard to light on the candles. Hehehe! Never saw moon cakes as birthday cake and light on with candles, right? Two big moon cake plus two smaller, meant he was 22 years old!!
He cut one....
...then I needed to help him cut the rest. because he was so hungary to wait his dinner until 9.30pm. Tang's false....XD
Just eating and chating were quite boring, so Wen Wei suggested to play a game called 'Killer' by her but called 'Mafia' by me. The time when I played this game, Mafia Wars was not yet popular on Facebook. When they heard I called this game as Mafia, they kept laughing and said wanted to move laptop down to play. T.T yerrr.... It's really called Mafia when first introduced to me......sob...
After played the a few round of the games, all suddenly changed mind to play lanterns. It's actually because we are photographic-phillic (word created by Kar Min), thaught to take more photos with the beautiful lanterns. Hohoho! The biggest one was mine!! Like a Queen being protected. Hahaha!
Artistic...
More artistic!! I like this photo. If the Moon looked bigger might be better. Lanterns with the Moon can be the perfect match in the dark. Moreover, you can see Li ting smiling to the Moon, that's the contented feeling for Moon Cake Festival. Wow! hahaha! Li Ting, don't 'hao lian' ya! I am not really praising you....

Back to the game after SS... XD
This was the Moon at aroud 3am. It was so bright and round before the rain fell.
We moved to sheltered location when rainning. No body felt to back home or hostel, even though it was almost 4am. Good! Then, Mafia game continued......
After 5am something, most of us almost collapsed. I fell into short slept while waiting the Killer been caught. XD
Finally... Tang was the Killer!!! How unexpected!!! He killed me (the Doctor) and Li Ting (the Police) but still pretent innocent!! The Killer won the last game!!! OMG! Look at Li Ting, she was so angry to throw a shoe on him. Me?! Almost energiless to react....XD

New record:
Celebration duration : ~10 hours
Total time for a game : ~8 hours!!
Total time for being awake : >24 hours

Anyway! It was fun. I can feel I realize something meaningful besides playing with this game, Mafia~~

命运

这部落的第一百篇...却不是真的第一百篇......
因为手痒把几篇不舍得遗弃的从上一个部落格转贴过来
我本打算给她换个全新面貌的... 还是迟些吧......
等到真正第一百篇的时候......
刚刚假期回来,心情是有点郁闷的
我常常都会犯开学忧郁症......该死!>.<
该完成的工作好像永远都无止尽
什么时候我才可以毫无顾虑地把时间留给自己
毫无顾虑的......

“既然要做,何不开心的做?”
这句话常常都会浮现
大道理我听懂的倒是蛮多的
我说得出口的也不少吧
可是听懂、说了之后,
我还是会叹曰“说易行难”
这......什么话嘛!
我在逃避吗?
我给自己找的借口越来越多了
这是对得起自己还是逃避了?
是逃避了......

以前玩过秤‘骨重’的算命盘
它说我的命运不好......
我虽常跌倒,但都爬得起来啊
还是觉得自己是幸福的啊
说什么不好,我没信
上周六,妈妈帮我看三世书去了
我跟她说,看了知道了什么好、坏,都千万别和我说
但......还是敌不过妹妹的诱惑......
结果还是一样,我的命运是不好的,得选个时辰去改运......
“一个好胜,凡事都想做到很好的人,但往往都会事与愿违。”
“常常在最后一分钟赶工,匆忙中常会乱了方寸。”
如果他只是嘴巴说说我的今世运程,我可以再次选择不信的
但他准确地把我的个性和现况说出来了
我想不信的,但还是耿耿于怀了

是的,我是个爱面子的人
会在乎别人对我的看法
我常常给自己定目标
但目标常常都只是定爽的
二十多年来,我真正达到目标的事情少得没有一项让我印象深刻
常对自己说“重要的是过程不是结果”
就算没有得到自己最想要的,
也要想几个“安慰奖”来哄自己
就酱对自己哄哄骗骗地过了二十多年
想要什么都得自己去争取......

我和淑凌说,
我想把坏习惯改了
她笑说那是“天生”的,改得了?
坏习惯我早就发现了
早在很久之前就对自己说要改
如果说掌纹可以算命
掌纹会改变是不是代表了命运也可改?
“听天由命”是句很沮丧的话
明明是自己做的还不够!
寻找幸福......
我还是要努力地和“命运”耗下去!!